


Good Vibrations

by shalako



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Coming Out, Fluff, Gay Archie, Humor, M/M, Sex Toys, a meet of questionable cuteness, bisexual Gold, for once, i vow this will be a lighthearted rom com with absolutely no angst, please imagine a smirking emoji in the title, small town gays TM, terrible terrible awkwardness from both parties here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 16:25:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15911958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shalako/pseuds/shalako
Summary: Boy, it sure would be terrible if Archie ran into anybody he knew in this sex toy shop. Luckily that won't happen, right?





	Good Vibrations

They didn’t say anything to each other initially. Archie was standing at one end of the aisle, and he was vaguely aware of it when someone else wandered into the area. They were standing at the far end, out of Archie’s immediate vicinity. He glanced up, registered a nice suit and long, brown hair, and then looked back down at his little shopping basket. Then he realized that he hadn’t just seen _any_ random nice suit, he’d seen the same specific charcoal shade and texture of the _best_ suit he’d ever seen, with the all-too-familiar tie, black with red swirls - which just so happened to belong to Mr. Gold.

Which explained the hair, too. Archie snuck another look, the color draining from his face. It _was_ Mr. Gold. He stood at the end of the aisle, examining the shelves.

The shelves full of vibrators.

Archie looked down at his shopping basket again - he had a variety pack of condoms, a bottle of green-apple-flavored lube, and a cheap set of anal beads. Nothing he’d thought of as particularly embarrassing ten minutes ago, but now …. He took a deep breath, determined to leave - maybe even to leave without buying the things he’d come here for - but he couldn’t convince his limbs to move. His legs felt like two thick logs of slowly-melting cheese.

He closed his eyes. A sex store. Of all the places to run into Mr. Gold, it had to be a sex store in Portland. And what the hell was Gold doing here anyway? The man was _notoriously_ celibate - in the eleven years he’d lived in Storybrooke, he’d never slept with or dated anyone. He’d even turned down Ruby once. And here he was, in the vibrator section of a sex store, examining the options with quiet thoughtfulness, like he was considering a real estate deal.

Archie was staring. He couldn’t force himself to look away; as he watched, Gold reached out hesitantly and grabbed a box off the wall, reading the label for about three seconds - and then, suddenly, looked up and made direct eye contact with Archie.

Time froze. It felt like Archie was staring at Gold for hours - Gold’s relaxed stance suddenly turned tense, awkward. His eyes wide, face pale. They didn’t look away from each other until the box slipped out of Gold’s fingers and clattered to the ground; Gold looked down sharply, picking the box up and shoving it back onto the shelf like it was hot to the touch. His face was burning now, and Archie’s was too; he noted with a small amount of self-hatred that he could move his legs just fine now that it was too late to hide.

Gold knocked over two other boxes when he replaced his on the shelf; one of them tipped over and fell to the floor. Archie heard a quiet, whispered, “fuck” before Gold bent down and retrieved it, putting it back on the shelf as quickly as he could and knocking two more boxes over as he did so.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Gold said again, slightly louder. Archie hurried over, his misguided instincts of helpfulness taking control. He grabbed the boxes off the floor and put them back in place carefully while Gold stood next to him, embarrassed and silent; a treacherous part of his brain noted exactly what type of vibrators Gold had been looking at.

“I, uh …” said Archie. Gold scowled at the floor, his cheeks still red. “I-I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“No shit,” Gold said lowly. His eyes flickered up to Archie’s. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

“What is there to tell?” said Archie with a panicked sort of glibness. “Hell, for all I know, you’re - you’re not even here for you. You could be buying something for a girlfriend, or - or a boyfriend, I-I don’t know. I have zero evidence that you were getting a vibrator for yourself and you have zero evidence that I was getting anal beads for myself, so…”

Why was he talking? Gold stared at Archie, aghast. When he finally responded, his voice was strangled and painfully quiet.

“You’ve got flavored condoms in your basket,” Gold said. “I wasn’t really imagining that anything there was exclusively for you.”

“Right,” Archie said, flushing. “Right. Of course. Um--”

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that, if it were,” Gold said quickly, as though he was afraid he’d offended Archie.

“Oh, of course not,” Archie said, startled. “I mean, straight guys do anal all the time. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with _that_.”

From the look on Gold’s face, he hadn’t been thinking about anal sex at all until Archie mentioned it. They stared at each other for a moment, and Archie really didn’t like the contemplative look Gold was giving him. Flushing, he grabbed the three items in his basket and shoved them onto the nearest shelf, letting the basket fall to the ground with a muted _clack_. Archie turned on his heel and headed for the exit.

He was halfway up the block, still red in the face, when he realized Gold had come with him. Archie turned around, his mouth falling open, but he couldn’t think of anything to say. Gold opened his mouth too, and just like Archie, he closed it without saying anything. After a moment, Gold seemed to register the people passing them on the street; he grabbed Archie’s arm and pulled him into a tiny alley between two apartment buildings.

“Look,” said Gold; his hesitance was palpable and painful. “There’s nothing wrong with being gay. If you like men, that’s fine. I’m not going to judge you for that.”

“I-I didn’t mean it like that,” Archie said, his blush flaring up again. “I _know_ there’s nothing wrong with being gay, I just --”

Gold nodded, looking uncharacteristically patient and kind. Archie had the distinct feeling that he was being mentored.

“I said that because I thought that was why you wanted discretion,” Archie said. “I dunno, I figured - most straight guys don’t do that sort of thing, because they’re scared people will see it as gay, so if you were that embarrassed by it --”

“I’m not straight,” said Gold. Archie’s words died; he found that he was surprisingly unsurprised. Gold being queer just made sense to him; it was a wonder he hadn’t thought of it before.

“Oh,” he said. “Yeah, I … that makes sense.”

Gold cocked his head. “Does it?”

Archie shifted awkwardly. “Yeah …?”

“Why?” said Gold, genuinely curious. Archie stuttered for a moment, unsure how to phrase his own half-formed thoughts.

“I - well, I - you have a - a bit of a reputation, you know. You’ve never dated anyone in Storybrooke. And you always turn people down when they ask you out, and you don’t ever have one-night stands or flirt or look at women.”

Gold just listened, absorbing the information.

“It makes sense,” Archie finished lamely. “That you’re actually into men.”

Gold blinked. “I never said I was _only_ into men,” he said without rancor. “Just that I’m not straight.”

“Oh,” said Archie. “Right.”

“Are you?” Gold asked, and Archie must have imagined the almost-hopeful way Gold looked up at him.

“Uh, yes,” said Archie; then, quickly, “Not straight. I’m not straight. I’m gay.”

Gold flashed a brief grin -- it was gone so fast Archie wondered if he’d imagined it. And then it was replaced with an unmistakable blush, and the implications of that - of Gold blushing right after finding out that Archie was gay - were too much for Archie’s brain to handle at the moment.

“I-I have to go,” Archie said. He couldn’t come up with a good lie for _why_ he had to go, so he just cut the explanation off before it began. “I won’t tell anyone I saw you here. I promise.”

He hurried away; before he made it out of earshot, he heard Gold murmur, “Right.”


End file.
